Normally at beginning of the year, I will ask what is your new year resolution? However, this time, I like to ask what is considered your prized possession so far? Have you already got it or still trying to achieve it? Previously if you have asked me, I will say is going to be a BMW or Audi. However now after going through 2011, I will say to create life and have a baby will be my prize possession. Why do I say that? You can own a BMW anytime, if you work hard for it, it depends on how determine you are to get it. However, you can also lost it due to a car accident or sell it off after years. On the other hand, to have a baby is to own someone’s life with a bond between you and the baby is entirely different. No matter at what part of your life, the baby’s life is yours to care for till you die perhaps. So if you ask me, this is what I hope to achieve for this year. To fulfill that, I will build my health back, work my way to it.
Last day of the year giving way to a new start, new beginning. As we leave 2011 to embrace 2012, everything looks bright and hopeful now. I am ready to take on the new challenges now, are you?
Often we are so lost with ourselves, busy with our work, our life, wasting time complaining. Ever since losing my baby, I always think what is in for me now. If everything happens for a reason, then what is the reason for me? Though I may not know the reason, I tried to be myself to the best that I can. By doing so, I hope to do Dominic the honour so he can be proud to know all these happen because of him. To let him has the privilege so that his death won’t be in vain.
Christmas season is just round the corner, normally I be out and running, busy shopping for christmas gifts. It is season for thanksgiving, sharing and my favourite holiday season for the year. However now, I just don’t have the mood to celebrate or bring myself to do anything. I have no plans, no mood for the holiday to come. Everything looked gloomy. Just what else can I do for Dominic today?
It’s been slightly over a month already but still today I woke up with unknown heartache. I knew I am still feeling upset over it. Looking at the calendar, it was still being marked of the number of weeks being tracked for each milestone, yet all is lost and useless now. When will it heal? Or will it ever heal? The physical wound can heal in time, but how about the mental wound? I was still thinking to thank all the neighbours personally when they showered me with their care and concerns yet all were not necessary now? I do not know what to say to them despite they were still smiling at me politely when they saw me now…
The human brain is an amazing thing that I can’t help but wonder why. I wasn’t thinking of anything but just wanted to listen to the songs from <雪狼湖>. All of a sudden, I realise why… The songs from the musical just reflected my thoughts and feeling right now… You thought you can let go, but the brain has a way to bring you back again. Sob